In education, teaching, and communication, there are various verbal and non-verbal ways to be close and to convey your closeness to the other person. These methods are among the fundamental principles upon which the life of learning and nurturing is built. For a parent, mentor, or teacher, it is very challenging to make their emotional closeness felt by their audience without employing these approaches. Within the methodology of education and upbringing exemplified by God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), these methods, practiced as part of the Sunnah, are significant dynamics in shaping the heart and soul of the individual.
Addressing by Name
One of the verbal behaviors that foster closeness is addressing people by their names. Using someone’s name during an introduction or conversation is both a sign of politeness and respect. This courtesy and respect make a person feel valued, strengthen mutual communication, and bring individuals closer to one another. Otherwise, thoughts and feelings such as, “He didn’t say my name, so he doesn’t value me. He doesn’t even know or remember my name. He’s never once addressed me by name,” can negatively affect communication, education, and teaching.
To express his closeness, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) would address his companions either by their names or by nicknames they loved, thus honoring them. A story narrated by the respected Abu Hurairah is just one of the many examples of this: “The students at the Suffah school within the Prophet’s Mosque had no possessions or families. I was one of them. Sometimes, out of hunger, I would lie flat on the ground and press my liver to the earth. At other times, I would tie a stone to my stomach to suppress my hunger. One day, I sat along the path where the noble companions would pass by. Then, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) came along. When he saw me, he smiled and said, ‘O Abu Hirr!’ I replied, ‘O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him)! At your service and ready to obey!’ He said, ‘Follow me!’ I followed him until we arrived at his blessed home. After waiting a while, I knocked on the door, and he invited me in. I entered and sat in a corner. When he saw a bowl of milk in the kitchen, he asked his wife, ‘Where did this milk come from?’ Our mother replied that it had been given as a gift. Turning to me, he said, ‘O Abu Hirr! Go and call the companions of Suffah to join us. They are the guests of the Muslims; they have neither wealth nor family.’
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would never keep any of the wealth given as zakat for himself but would send it to the students of Suffah. However, when a gift was brought to him, he would share it with them and invite them to partake in it.
Indeed, this behavior of God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is a clear indication of how close he was to his students. He was deeply concerned with every material and spiritual matter of those he mentored and prepared for the future, making them feel in their very souls that he was truly “the closest to them.”
The respected Abu Hurairah narrates the continuation of the incident as follows: “I wasn’t too pleased with the idea of calling the companions of Suffah. As I walked to them, I thought to myself: ‘How can a single bowl of milk be enough for all the companions of Suffah? If they come, there won’t be any left for me or the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). I wanted to drink enough of it to quench my hunger, but I had no choice but to obey him!’ With these thoughts, I reached my fellow students and informed them that the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) had invited them to eat. Then we returned together, entered his presence, and sat down. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to me, ‘O Abu Hirr! Take the bowl of milk and serve it to everyone.’ I took the bowl and went around, serving each of them one by one. Every single one of them drank to their fill.
Finally, I brought the milk back to him, and he took the bowl into his hands, smiled, and said, ‘O Abu Hirr! Now sit and drink.’ I took it and drank to my heart’s content. When I tried to hand the bowl back to him, he said, ‘Drink more!’ He kept encouraging me, ‘Drink, drink!’ I continued drinking until I said, ‘By God, who sent you with the truth, I can’t drink another drop—I’m completely full!’ He then took the bowl, praised Allah, recited the basmala, and drank the remainder himself.” 1
As seen in this example, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) addressed his student using the nickname he loved, thereby conveying his closeness. Moreover, as a reflection of that closeness, he showed concern for his need and invited him to his home to provide for him. Through this act, the Prophet not only fulfilled the requirements of intimacy and Islamic brotherhood but also honored his student by hosting him in his home. Additionally, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) extended his care to the student’s companions by inviting them as well. In doing so, he set a timeless example for being close to those under one’s care, sharing in their concerns, and assisting in solving their problems—an essential lesson in education and nurturing.
Appreciating Good Behavior with Prayers
One of the verbal behaviors that foster closeness is reinforcing people’s thoughts and actions by praising them. Every student or child has a talent or behavior worthy of praise. Parents and teachers should recognize this when the time and place are appropriate and not miss the opportunity to show appreciation. Those whose good actions are acknowledged are positively influenced and motivated by such treatment. At the same time, this praise encourages them, builds their confidence, and directs them toward further goodness.
God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) would commend the admirable traits and behaviors he observed in others, often coupled with heartfelt prayers. For instance, one day, he asked the young boy Amr ibn Ahtab for some water. Amr brought a glass of water, but just as he was about to hand it over, he noticed a strand of hair on the rim. He carefully removed it before presenting the glass. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) acknowledged this thoughtful action, both by affectionately stroking Amr’s cheek and praying, “O God, make him even more beautiful.” 2
Similarly, the respected Abdullah ibn Abbas narrates the Prophet’s praise for him: “One day, I prepared water for the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) to perform ablution and waited. When he came and saw that the water was ready, he was very pleased and asked, ‘Who prepared this?’ When told, ‘Abdullah did,’ he turned and prayed, ‘O God, grant this child understanding of the religion, 3 and teach him the interpretation (tafsir) of the Qur’an!’ 4 In doing so, he showed his appreciation for what I had done.”
As seen in these examples, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) acknowledged and appreciated acts of kindness, thoughtful behavior, and the service shown to him through prayers. By doing so, he not only motivated his companions to pursue knowledge, learning, and good deeds, but also guided them to the truth and encouraged them to live righteously through the closeness he demonstrated.
Praising in Absence
Another verbal expression of closeness used by God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) was to praise the individuals he sought to nurture for their admirable behaviors and lifestyle in their absence, often emphasizing another behavior he wished to encourage in them. The following account shared by the respected Abdullah ibn Umar sheds light on this practice: “During the time of God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), whenever one of the companions had a dream, they would come and narrate it to him. I envied this and thought to myself, ‘If only I could see a dream and share it with him.’ At that time, I was young and unmarried. One day, I fell asleep in the Prophet’s Mosque and had a dream. In my dream, two angels took me and led me straight to Hell. Hell was built like a well, with walls of stone and two large pillars. I saw some people I recognized there. The sight of it terrified me, and I began praying, ‘I seek refuge in God from Hell, I seek refuge in God from Hell!’ Suddenly, another angel approached and said to me, ‘Do not fear, do not fear!’”
Deeply affected by this dream, the respected Abdullah shared it with his sister, the respected Hafsa. She, in turn, conveyed it to the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). Upon hearing it, he remarked: “Abdullah is such a good and righteous man! If only he would also pray during the nights.” When the respected Abdullah heard this praise and encouragement from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he made it a habit from that day onward to regularly and consistently perform night prayers (tahajjud). 5
Similarly, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) praised the respected Hureym al-Asadi in his absence, saying: “Hureym is such a fine man!” However, the Prophet also subtly corrected a behavior he wished to address, adding: “If only he wouldn’t grow his hair so long and wouldn’t let his garments drag on the ground!” 6 When Hureym learned of the Prophet’s praise and gentle suggestions, he was overjoyed and wasted no time in following the advice he received.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would sometimes simply commend good behavior without saying anything further. Through this, he aimed to reinforce the existing behavior. There are many people whom the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) praised in their absence by saying, “What a good person!” For instance: “Üseyd ibn Hudayr, what a good and excellent person! Sabit ibn Qays ibn Şemmas, what a good person! Mu‘adh ibn Jabal, what a good person! Mu‘adh ibn Amr ibn al-Jamuh, what a good person!” 7
Likewise, during the trench-digging efforts for the Battle of the Trench, Zayd ibn Thabit was also present, working tirelessly to carry the excavated soil from the trench. At that time, Zayd was just a fifteen-year-old youth. Witnessing his sincere efforts, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “What a good and hardworking young man he is!” 8 In doing so, he not only praised Zayd but also drew attention to the admirable efforts of all the soldiers working alongside him.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would commend the good qualities of his companions both to reinforce their virtues and to highlight their exemplary lives and behaviors. In the “Merits and Virtues of the Companions” sections of Hadith collections, one can find many examples of this nature. The noble companions would feel immense joy and happiness from such compliments, praise, and prayers. Therefore, parents and teachers should not neglect to adopt this Sunnah, which serves as a motivational tool to enhance success in education and upbringing.
Asking About Well-being
One of the verbal gestures of closeness is inquiring about the well-being of others. This is both a human and an Islamic duty. For students, one of their key psychological needs is to have their elders inquire about their state. However, despite being such an easy and cost-free gesture, this Sunnah is often neglected in educational settings.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), on one occasion, welcomed one of his students, Mu‘adh ibn Jabal, and after exchanging greetings, asked him, “O Mu‘adh! How are you this morning?” Mu‘adh responded, “O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him)! Praise be to God! I woke up in faith.” As an expression of further closeness, the Prophet addressed him by name and said, “O Mu‘adh! Every claim requires proof. What is the evidence for your statement?” Mu‘adh replied, “O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him)! When I wake up in the morning, I assume I may not live to see the evening, and when evening comes, I assume I may not live to see the morning. When I take a step, I think I may not be able to take another. It is as though I can see all of humanity gathered on the Day of Judgment, their prophets standing beside them as they are summoned to receive their records. I see some with their idols by their sides, while others experience the torment of Hell, and still others rejoice in the rewards and blessings of Paradise.” Hearing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) remarked, “O Mu‘adh! You have thought well and deeply. Continue to think and live in this manner. Never stray from this path!” 9 He praised Mu‘adh and encouraged him to persist in this reflective and mindful way of living.
One day, the respected Hanzala, one of the scribes of revelation, visited the respected Abu Bakr while in tears. The respected Abu Bakr, noticing his distress, asked, “How are you, O Hanzala? What’s the matter?” The respected Hanzala replied, “Hanzala has become a hypocrite!” Startled by this response, the respectedAbu Bakr exclaimed, “Subhanallah! What are you saying? Explain yourself!” Hanzala then described his inner turmoil: “O Abu Bakr! When we are in the presence of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), and he speaks to us about Paradise and Hell, we are deeply moved, as if we can see them before our very eyes. But when we leave his company and return to our homes and daily lives, we become forgetful, distracted by the world, and we change.” Hearing this, the respected Abu Bakr responded, “By God, we feel the same way. Let us go to the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) and ask him about this.”
When they arrived, the respected Abu Bakr said, “O Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), Hanzala believes he has become a hypocrite.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) immediately turned to Hanzala and said, “Calm yourself, Hanzala. What is troubling you?” the respected Hanzala then shared his internal struggles with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), just as he had explained them to Abu Bakr. After listening attentively, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) reassured him, saying, “This is not hypocrisy. Rather, it is a natural aspect of human nature.” In his profound wisdom, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) added: “If you were able to sustain the spiritual and emotional state you experience in my presence at all times, the angels would compete with one another to greet you and shake your hand as you walked through the streets and in your homes. But, O Hanzala, understand this: such constancy is not human. Sometimes you are in one state, and sometimes in another.” 10
This exchange demonstrates how the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) frequently inquired about the well-being of his companions and offered explanations tailored to their needs. In doing so, he not only conveyed how deeply he cared for them but also addressed and resolved their concerns with wisdom and compassion.
Expressing Satisfaction
One of the verbal gestures of closeness in education and training is to express satisfaction and appreciation when someone performs a commendable task or offers a sound and accurate opinion. For instance, when the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was sending Mu‘adh ibn Jabal as a governor to Yemen, he asked him, “When a matter is brought to you for judgment, how will you decide?” The respected Mu‘adh replied, “I will look to the Book of God and judge according to it.”The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) continued, “What if the answer is not found in the Book of God ?” The respected Mu‘adh responded, “Then I will look to the Sunnah of the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) and judge accordingly.”The Prophet asked further, “What if the answer is not found in the Sunnah either?”With confidence, the respected Mu‘adh replied, “Then I will use my own reasoning and judgment.” Hearing these answers, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was greatly pleased. He placed his hand on Mu‘adh’s chest and expressed his satisfaction by saying: “Praise be to God who has guided the messenger of His Messenger to what pleases Him.” 11
As seen in this example, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) walked with Mu‘adh for a while as he bid him farewell to his new post, demonstrating his love and closeness to him. The sound and confident answers from Mu‘adh delighted him, and he expressed this joy with praise and gratitude to God. In doing so, he motivated and encouraged Mu‘adh for his new role, reinforcing his correct thinking with expressions of approval. This practice highlights the importance of expressing satisfaction in strengthening the bond between teacher and student in education. Such gestures of closeness not only encourage students to pursue knowledge and take action but also significantly enhance their motivation and likelihood of success.
Author: Dr. Selim Koç
References:
1.Buharî, Rikâk 17 (6452)
2.İbn-i Hacer, el-İsâbe, s. 1679 (10000); Tirmizî, Menâkıb 9 (3629)
3.Buharî, Vudu’ 10 (143); Müslim, Fedâil 30/138 (2477)
4.Müsned (2397); İbn Kesîr, el-Bidaye ve’n-Nihaye, VIII/299
5.Buharî, Fedâilu’s-Sahabe 19 (3738); Müslim, Fedâilu’s-Sahabe 31/139 (2479)
6.Ebû Davud, Libas 26 (4089); Ahmet İbn Hanbel, Müsned (17622)
7.Tirmizî, Menâkıb 92 (3795)
8.İbn Sâd, Tabakât, V/219; İbnu’l-Esîr, Üsdü’l-Ğâbe, s. 424 (1824)
9.el-Ukaylî, ed-Duafâu’l-Kebîr, II/291; Ebû Nuaym el-İsfahanî, Hilyetu’l-Evliya, I/211 (247)
10.Müslim, Tevbe 3/12, 13 (2750); Tirmizî, Sıfatu’l-Kıyamet 59 (2514)
11.Ebû Dâvud, Akdiyye 11 (3592); Tirmizî, Ahkâm 3 (1327)