Raising Children
The Almighty God has created the human being pure, untainted, and like a precious gem waiting to be refined. This indicates that a person is inherently capable of both good and evil, and that the delicate faculties bestowed upon them at birth—such as the heart, intellect, soul, and conscience—will be shaped and directed by the cultural and spiritual environment in which they are nurtured. As the Qur’an points out: “God brought you out of your mothers’ wombs knowing nothing, and gave you hearing, sight, and hearts so that you might give thanks.” (An-Nahl 16:78) This verse draws attention to the innate divine gifts granted to human beings. Unlike animals, who live by instinct and do not require formal education to navigate life, humans are born with raw potential. They are obliged to develop this potential through a process of education and moral refinement. In the Qur’an, God commands: “O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.” (At-Tahrim 66:6) This verse highlights the serious responsibility of preparing children not only for worldly life but also for the hereafter.
Likewise, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) emphasized: “No father can give his child a better gift than good manners and proper upbringing.” (Tirmidhi, Birr 33) “Treat your children kindly and discipline them well.” (Ibn Mājah, Adab 3) These hadiths stress that this duty should never be neglected. However, in today’s world, the critical task of child-rearing has, in many cases, either been wholly surrendered to customs and traditions or, in an attempt to correct certain traditional missteps, been handed over to the so-called compassionate embrace of Western culture. In the past, especially in certain regions, it was even frowned upon for a mother or father to hold their child in the presence of their own parents or in-laws—strict customs that were deeply rooted in tradition. Yet now, while trying to correct such rigid cultural norms, we face the unfortunate reality that many are replacing them with principles drawn from Western norms that ignore spiritual values.
Sadly, a misguided sense of respect and an ineffective understanding of discipline have now given way to a complete detachment from our moral heritage. The result is a society swinging between extremes—where parents, at a certain point, find themselves unable to intervene when their children start smoking, using drugs, staying out late, or even neglecting religious duties. Any attempt to say something is often met with an aggressive or multiplied response. The veil of modesty and decency has been lifted from the hearts of younger generations, and disrespect and shamelessness are, alarmingly, becoming trademarks of today’s youth.
Fundamental Principles Regarding Child Rearing
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) highlighted essential principles of vital importance in both his interactions with children and his guidance on child upbringing. He emphasized that mistakes must be avoided in nurturing these young saplings and that great care should be given to preserving their innate purity. When examined holistically, we see that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) pointed to several core principles for raising virtuous and exemplary generations.
1) Beginning Child Rearing at Birth
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would begin showing care and attention to children even before they were born—both his own and those in his close circle. He made it clear that child rearing should begin at birth, or even prior. For example, when his daughter Fātimah was pregnant with his grandson Hasan, the Prophet visited her, asked how she was doing, and instructed her to inform him when the child was born—advising that nothing should be done for the baby before he was notified. (ʿAlī al-Muttaqī, Kanz al-ʿUmmāl, XVI/261-262.) He showed the same level of care for his grandson Ḥusayn. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) paid special attention to ensuring that the first food a newborn received came from a virtuous and knowledgeable person. He extended this level of care not just to his own grandchildren but to all children. The respected Ā’ishah reported that newborns were brought to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) , and he would bless them and perform taḥnīk (placing a softened date or sweet substance into the infant’s mouth). (Muslim, Ādāb 27) Muslim scholars have recommended that this prophetic tradition be continued by taking newborns to righteous and learned individuals for taḥnīk, as it holds various spiritual and symbolic wisdoms. (Ibrahim Canan, Education in the Sunnah of the Prophet, p. 81)
According to the respected Ā’ishah, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also advised making supplication for the newborn and asking Allah to grant them a blessed life. (Bukhārī, Duʿā’ 31) Moreover, he encouraged that the first words to reach a child’s ears should be the adhān (call to prayer) in the right ear and the iqāmah in the left, as he did for his grandsons Ḥasan and Ḥusayn. (Abū Dāwūd, Adab 107) This practice signals the importance of introducing the sacred elements of religion to a child from their first moments and affirms the Muslim educators’ principle that “education is a lifelong journey, from the cradle to the grave.”
Another significant matter the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) emphasized following a child’s birth was giving them a good name. He said: “On the Day of Judgment, you will be called by your names and the names of your fathers. So give yourselves good names.” (Abū Dāwūd, Adab 61) This call resonated in the Age of Happiness (Asr al-Sa‘ādah), and great care was taken in choosing names. For instance, when Fātimah gave birth to her first child, ʿAlī wanted to name him “Harb” (meaning war), but the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not approve and instead named his grandson “Hasan.” (Ibn Isḥāq, Sīrah, p. 231) Similarly, when his son Ibrāhīm was born, the Prophet expressed his joy, saying: “A son was born to me tonight, and I have named him after my ancestor Ibrāhīm.” (Muslim, Faḍā’il 62)
Following the birth of a child, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also emphasized practices such as shaving the newborn’s head within the first seven days and giving the hair’s weight in silver as charity (Muwattā’, ʿAqīqah 2), sacrificing an animal (ʿaqīqah) as a form of gratitude to Allah (Bukhārī, ʿAqīqah 2), holding a feast for relatives and friends (Bukhārī, al-Adab al-Mufrad, p. 335), and offering gifts to those who bring the good news of the birth (Ibn Saʿd, al-Ṭabaqāt al-Kubrā, VIII/212). Through these teachings, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) drew attention to the fact that one of the greatest blessings a person can receive is a child—and that the responsibility of raising and nurturing that child begins right at birth.
2) Maintaining the Balance Between Compassion and Seriousness in Upbringing
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was, by nature, the embodiment of compassion and love. He was always warm, kind, and full of affection. When a companion named Akraʿ ibn Hābis once saw the Prophet kissing and embracing his grandsons, he found it odd and said, “I have ten children, and I’ve never kissed any of them.” To this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) responded by highlighting the inappropriateness of such behavior: “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” In another instance, he said: “If God has removed compassion from your heart, what can I do?” (Bukhārī, Adab 18)
In the 10th year after the Hijrah, the Prophet’s infant son Ibrāhīm, who was around 16 or 18 months old, fell ill and passed away in the Prophet’s arms. Tears flowed from his blessed eyes. Seeing this, ʿAbd al-Raḥmān ibn ʿAwf was surprised and asked why he was crying. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained that crying is a sign of love and compassion. Turning to his son, he said: “If it weren’t for the promise of reunion… we would be even more sorrowful. Still, we are deeply grieved by your departure, O Ibrāhīm. The eyes shed tears, the heart feels sadness, but we will never say anything that would displease Allah.” (Bukhārī, Funerals 43)
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would embrace his grandsons and hold them close, referring to them as “My two sweet basils in this world.” (Bukhārī, Virtues of the Companions 22) His love was not limited to his own children and grandchildren—he would show affection to other children as well. According to Usāmah ibn Zayd, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)once sat him on one knee and his grandson Ḥasan on the other, then hugged them both and made the following heartfelt supplication: “O God, I love them, so You love them too!” (Bukhārī, Virtues of the Companions 18)
During one prayer, when his grandson climbed onto his back while he was in prostration, the Prophet prolonged the sujūd (prostration) until the child came down on his own. He did not intervene. After the prayer, someone from the congregation asked, “O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), you prolonged the prostration so much that we thought something serious had happened, or that revelation had come to you.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) replied: “No, none of that happened. My grandson climbed on my back, and I didn’t want to rush or interrupt his enjoyment.” (Nasā’ī, Tatbīq 82) However, it is important to note that although the Prophet was always loving and compassionate, he maintained a balance between affection and seriousness. By nature and by mission, he was a person of dignity and composure. The Companions, out of deep respect and awe, would never approach him casually or speak to him without first gathering themselves and adopting a reverent demeanor. This respectful attitude was also evident in his daughter Fāṭimah and son-in-law ʿAlī. Observing them, their sons Ḥasan and Ḥusayn eventually adopted the same respectful disposition. As they grew older, they too were enveloped by a sweet sense of reverence. No matter how gentle and kind the Prophet was, those around him never crossed the line into overfamiliarity.
Balancing love and seriousness is also a crucial principle in pedagogy. Showing empathy to students, listening to their concerns, patting their heads, holding their hands, and meeting their needs is undeniably important—but maintaining an appropriate level of seriousness and dignity in their presence is just as essential. Parents and teachers should always keep their hearts open to their children or students, give them full attention, share in their concerns, offer pocket money when needed, and even be willing to sacrifice their own comfort or lives for them. Every opportunity to express love should be embraced. Yet, at the same time, they must uphold their position of authority and preserve a respectful dynamic. Otherwise, unchecked affection and indulgence may lead to spoiled, arrogant, and disrespectful behavior in the child.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would often lift his young children and grandchildren onto his shoulders, kiss them, embrace them, and pray for them. Through these actions, he not only expressed the depth of his compassion and mercy but also taught the observing Companions key principles of upbringing. And even in such tender moments, he never abandoned his consistent dignity and composure—always maintaining the noble bearing that defined his character.
3) Valuing Children and Showing Interest in Them
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) regarded children as among the finest blessings of this world. He never neglected to show them attention and care and always made them feel valued. One day, as he was leaving his home, he held one of his grandchildren close and said: “Children are a great trial for a person. Because of them, one may fall into stinginess, cowardice, or ignorance. Even so, they are among God”s most fragrant blessings.”
(Tirmidhī, Birr 11) With this, he pointed out that children are like rare and delicate flowers. Because of this deep affection, he could not bear to hear them cry. He would caution those who caused their distress. If he heard a child crying during prayer, he would shorten the prayer to give the mother a chance to tend to her child (Bukhārī, Adhān 65).
According to a narration from the Companion, the respected Burayda, while the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was delivering a sermon in the mosque, his two young grandsons approached, stumbling as they walked. He interrupted the sermon, went down, picked them up, carried them back to the pulpit, and said: “How true is the word of God when He says, ‘Your wealth and your children are but a trial’ (Taghābun, 64:15). I couldn’t bear the sight of them and interrupted myself.” (Tirmidhī, Manāqib 30) Then he continued his sermon with the children in his arms.
The Prophet would joke with children, speak in ways they could understand, and make playful comments appropriate for their level. When the little brother of Anas ibn Mālik, Abū ʿUmayr, lost his pet bird, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) comforted him, saying: “O Abū ʿUmayr! What happened to the little bird? Where is your birdie now?” (Bukhārī, Adab 81)
He would encourage people to address children with endearing terms like “my dear,” “my child,” or “my little one,” and he himself used such expressions to win their hearts. Whenever he came across children on the road, he would take them onto his mount and give them a ride to their destination (Bukhārī, Libās 98). If he heard they were ill, he would visit them and pray for their recovery—setting an example for his companions to do the same. In fact, he once visited a sick Jewish child in Madinah, and that visit became the reason the child accepted Islam before his death (Bukhārī, Funerals 79).
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would also meet children’s needs and respond to their requests. One day, when he saw one of his grandchildren was thirsty, he milked a sheep himself and gave the child fresh milk to drink (Musnad Aḥmad, I/101). Pointing to the pure nature of children, he once prayed for abundance and blessing upon the first harvest of the season, then called the youngest child in the gathering and gave them the first fruit to taste (Muwatta’, Jāmiʿ 1). He would greet children warmly and ask about their well-being. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) engaged with children in all kinds of settings to help them grow into confident, self-aware individuals. He valued their presence, gave them a voice, listened to them, and tried to understand their world. A remarkable example of this is a story involving the respected Rāfiʿ ibn ʿAmr, a young boy among the Companions. One day, Rāfiʿ was caught picking dates from an orchard in Madinah belonging to one of the Anṣār and was brought before the Prophet. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gently asked him,
“My child, why did you throw stones at the date palms?”
The boy replied,
“I was hungry and did it to eat.”
Upon hearing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said with kindness, “Then don’t throw stones again. Just eat the dates that have fallen to the ground, okay?” And he prayed for him:
“O Allah, grant him satisfaction and fullness.” (Abū Dāwūd, Jihād 85)
Though the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) learned the child had done something wrong, he first asked questions to understand his intentions and reasoning. Children often make mistakes, and they may not even realize what they’ve done wrong. Whatever they do, it is important to listen to them before passing judgment—to enter their world and try to understand their thoughts and feelings. This approach demonstrates that the child is valued and cared for, and is a powerful method in upbringing that yields meaningful results.
4) Teaching Religious Values Through Living Them
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) emphasized that when helping children grasp religious and spiritual values, one should follow a gradual approach—from simple to complex, and from core beliefs to secondary practices. For this reason, the most fundamental aspect of religious life—faith (iman), which is rooted in heartfelt conviction—was always prioritized.
When children and young people were brought to him, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would introduce them to the essential truths of faith according to their age and understanding. For example, he would teach his young relatives—just beginning to speak—about the core belief in divine oneness (tawhid). He would repeat verses related to tawhid and the declaration of faith (kalimat al-tawhid) seven times to help them memorize and internalize these truths (ʿAbd al-Razzāq, Musannaf IV/334). One of the Companions, Jundub ibn ʿAbdullah, narrated that a group of young men came to Madinah and stayed with the Prophet for a short while. During that time, he said, they learned about the truths of faith before learning the Qur’an. Once they later began learning the Qur’an, their faith only increased (Ibn Mājah, Sunnah 9). This shows that the foundations of faith can and should be taught to children at an early age—in a way they can understand and relate to—and ideally, by experiencing these truths lived out in action. Though concepts of faith are abstract, there is still a method to help children comprehend them. The most effective way is to embody faith in both speech and behavior, allowing children to witness what belief looks like in real life. A believer who deeply feels the truths of faith in every fiber of their being will naturally be able to convey them to children with ease.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would personally teach children the Qur’an, the very word of God, and encouraged his companions to do the same with their own children. When Anas ibn Mālik was brought to live with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) at the age of eight—at his mother’s request—the Prophet advised him: “My child, never neglect reciting the Qur’an. Know that the Qur’an gives life to dead hearts, and protects one from evil, ugliness, and moral failure.” (Daylamī, Musnad al-Firdaws II/377)
Likewise, he urged his companions by saying: “Raise your children with three qualities: love for the Prophet, love for the Prophet’s family, and recitation of the Qur’an. Those who dedicate their lives to the Qur’an—reciting, understanding, and living it—will be granted the shade of God on the Day of Judgment, along with the Prophets and righteous.” (Munāwī, Fayḍ al-Qadīr I/225)
Even the Prophet’s cousin, ʿAbdullah ibn ʿAbbās, narrated a personal memory: “When the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) passed away, I was ten years old—and by that time I had already memorized ‘al-Muhkam’ of the Qur’an.” When asked what “al-Muhkam” meant, he explained it referred to al-Mufaṣṣal—the 68 chapters beginning from Sūrat al-Ḥujurāt (Bukhārī, Virtues of the Qur’an 25). Children raised under the care of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) thus grew up under the guidance of the Qur’an. From an early age, they were prepared for their religious responsibilities according to their level of understanding. After faith, one of the most important obligations is prayer (ṣalāh). Teaching children the value of prayer and raising them with a sense of devotion is crucial in their upbringing. Although religious duties officially become binding at puberty, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed that children should be taught to pray at the age of seven. If, by the age of ten, they were still neglectful in performing it, he said they could be disciplined appropriately (Tirmidhī, Prayer Times 183).
Modern educators also recognize that age seven marks the beginning of a child’s formal learning phase. By this age, children have already absorbed much through observation. At this stage, it becomes necessary to guide them actively—explaining what they’ve seen, encouraging them positively (targhīb), or cautioning them when needed (tarhīb). Until a certain age, modeling behavior—teaching through example—is most effective. But after a certain point, everything should be explained in a way that appeals to their developing reason and understanding. Some scholars suggest that children should be treated as spiritually responsible before God as early as six, eight, or at the latest ten years old. Therefore, they should be honored and respected accordingly. Their dignity should be upheld, and everything should be taught to them with prophetic care, seriousness, and passion.
Conclusion
Contemporary scientific research on child development shows that the process of educating and nurturing a child should begin from birth. The hadiths also outline several practices to be observed during this early period to help instill a spiritual identity in the child. These include having a pious and virtuous person perform taḥnīk (placing something sweet like date on the baby’s palate while making a supplication), reciting the adhān and iqāmah into the child’s ears as their first exposure to words, giving them a good and meaningful name, and offering an ʿaqīqah sacrifice as a form of gratitude to the Creator for the gift of a child. Another essential element of child upbringing is the need for love and compassion—especially in early childhood when children deeply crave affection. Parents, as the primary figures of love and care, should embrace them with warmth and never deprive them of affection. However, this affection must be balanced. Unchecked or excessive love can lead to spoiling or disrespectful behavior, so it’s vital to strike a healthy balance between tenderness and discipline. Helping children prepare for life and supporting the development of their character involves truly valuing them, showing interest in their world, making age-appropriate jokes, and addressing them with endearing terms like “my child” or “my dear.” If they make a mistake or commit a wrongdoing, they should be given the chance to speak and explain themselves before any form of punishment is considered. Giving them responsibilities suited to their age helps nurture a sense of accountability and builds self-confidence. One of the most crucial aspects of child upbringing is ensuring they learn and internalize their own cultural and spiritual values in the best possible way. And the most effective method for instilling religious and national values is for parents and educators to live those values themselves—so that children can learn not just through words, but through example
Prof. Dr. Osman Güner / October-November-December 2009, Year: 22 Issue: 86