The Principles of Prophetic Education (10): “Do Not Shout!”
In the educational process, many parents, unable to handle the challenges they face, resort to shouting at their children, while teachers do the same with their students. They believe that by intimidating, suppressing, or frightening their audience through shouting or threats, they are disciplining them. However, verbal aggression and emotional abuse in education not only fail to yield any benefits but also negatively affect a person’s psychological, intellectual, physical, and social development. Indeed, a person’s dignity cannot be preserved, nor can their character be developed, through humiliation.
Even though shouting or scolding might offer momentary relief to parents or teachers, it can inflict deep emotional wounds on the recipient that may never fully heal throughout their lifetime. From this perspective, one of the key principles emphasized by the Qur’an and the Sunnah regarding teaching and nurturing is the control of voice and speech — in essence, the principle of not shouting.
The Qur’an Prohibits Shouting!
In the Qur’an, God commands: “Tell My servants to always speak in the best and most beautiful manner…” This establishes a fundamental principle for communication, teaching, and learning: the prohibition of shouting. The Qur’an explicitly advises: “…Lower your voice when you speak; do not raise your voice.” 1 This principle, included among the wise counsel of Prophet Luqman to his son, emphasizes the importance of moderating tone and speech style. It forbids shouting at others or disturbing them with one’s words or voice. To reinforce this point, the Qur’an uses a striking analogy that draws everyone’s attention: “…Indeed, the harshest of voices is the braying of donkeys.”2 Through this vivid comparison, the Qur’an effectively instructs humanity: “Do not, like Satan in his arrogance, boastfully claim ‘I know best!’ while raising your voice.” For shouting, akin to braying, has no value in education or communication. Some scholars, inspired by this analogy, have even ruled that shouting is impermissible. 3
Therefore, in education and communication, an equally important aspect as mutual dialogue is “the quality of the conversation,” that is, how one speaks. Research on this topic indicates that tone of voice accounts for 38% of communication’s effectiveness in education. The remaining influence is attributed to body language (55%) and the words used (7%). In fact, tone of voice often determines the choice of words and the sentences formed. For this reason, attention should be paid to the volume of the voice in order to establish healthy communication with the interlocutor and to be beneficial in values education.
A voice with a well-adjusted tone and timbre carries love, compassion, and respect. However, the moment one begins to shout, these three elements are lost, replaced by anger, hatred, and hostility. It is not possible to carry out education and teaching effectively using such a method. Shouting stresses the listener, causing them to become angry and shout in response. In an environment where nerves are strained, the parties can no longer hear, listen to, or understand each other. The loss of mutual control over one’s voice inevitably leads to endless arguments. For this reason, a person losing control begins with losing control over their voice. In such a case, instruction and discipline are quickly replaced by verbal duels, emotional exploitation, and violence.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) Was a Person of Grace and Courtesy
According to the Qur’an, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) lived “with the highest standard of character.” In his interactions with people, he always adhered to this superior morality, treating everyone with kindness and respect. 4 He never strayed from courtesy and elegance in his speech. In this regard, our mother, the respected Aisha, described the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) by saying: “By nature and as a reflection of his character, he never raised his voice beyond its natural limits, never spoke rudely, nor tried to dominate others by shouting. Even in the marketplace, he did not raise his voice to call attention, nor did he respond to evil with evil. Instead, he would forgive and show leniency.” 5 She highlighted the overall refined manner that characterized his life.
There is not a single recorded instance where the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) raised his voice due to emotional impulses, whether in his blessed home or in public life. He consistently upheld the principle: “Smiling at your brother is an act of charity.” 6 He lived his entire life in accordance with this standard.
When engaging in dialogue with people, he carefully chose his words, always maintaining a soft and heartwarming tone in his addresses. The students who were nurtured under his guidance also embodied this same understanding of kindness and beauty in their lives. Among them, the respected Abdullah ibn Umar defined goodness by saying: “Goodness is not difficult; it is simple. It is a smiling face, gentle words, and sweetness of speech.” 7
Shouting Does Not Persuade!
Even when speaking or reminding someone of what is right, no person’s psychology can endure or accept being shouted at. Therefore, even if someone raises their voice to convey a truth, the listener will feel discomfort and refuse to engage. If the listener has the power, they might respond by shouting back; if not, they may outwardly withdraw but remain steadfast in their own beliefs. Instead, approaching others with “qawlan layyinan”—gentle and sweet words—creates a positive impact on the listener and brings a resolution closer. Indeed, when God (glorified and exalted be He) sent Moses and Aaron to Pharaoh, who arrogantly declared, “I am your supreme lord,” He instructed them: “Speak to him with gentle and soft words; perhaps he will take heed, or at least feel some fear and restraint.” 8
Through this, God set an eternal standard for all believers, particularly concerning the nature of speech and approach in inviting, teaching, and educating others.
Shouting Does Not Stop at Just Being Loud!
Shouting often carries undertones of insult, humiliation, and belittlement. However, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not oppress him, withhold support from him, look down on him, or insult him. It is sufficient sin for a person to belittle their Muslim brother.” 9
Through this, he forbade insults, regardless of the circumstances or reasons. Expecting to raise good and virtuous individuals through shouting and belittling is an impossible endeavor. In the end, both the one who shouts and the one shouted at will lose. When shouting becomes a frequent recourse, it creates unrest, fear, and anxiety in the heart and emotions of the recipient. In such an environment, the opportunity for education and learning is entirely lost. To succeed in nurturing and educating, parents and teachers must seek to rely not on the power of shouting but on the strength of love, compassion, sincerity, and thoughtful words. This approach, which instills calm and trust in the recipient, will have a profound effect on their emotions, helping them acquire the virtues they need.
Shouting Harms One’s Own Dignity
Shouting not only damages the personality and character development of the listener but also harms the dignity and mental well-being of the one who shouts. Speaking in a calm and measured tone reflects a person’s self-respect, confidence, the truth of their words, and the strength of their ideas. Only someone who doubts themselves and their values resorts to shouting and breaching the boundaries of respect. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) never employed shouting or belittling as a method of teaching or discipline. When faced with mistakes or shortcomings, he approached them with compassion and leniency, offering guidance through explanation and advice.
One of the closest witnesses to this was the respected Anas, who said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was never foul-mouthed, loud, or someone who cursed others. When one of us made a mistake—if he needed to say anything about it—he would gently guide us toward goodness, saying, ‘How could someone do such a thing? Should they not first respect themselves?’” 10
For this reason, in describing a virtuous teacher, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Teach, but do not shout or yell! Do not threaten or frighten your students! Avoid verbal abuse that wounds their emotions. Do not shame, blame, or mock them! And do not withhold the necessary and sufficient amounts of love, care, and compassion from them. For a true teacher is better than one who resorts to such harsh behavior.” 11
Do Not Shout, Be Patient!
Children’s mistakes, shortcomings, and wrongdoings should be addressed with patience, not shouting, as this provides an opportunity for correction. In this sense, patience is both the key to resolution and an essential means of preventing the erosion of communication with the listener. Many problems can be resolved over time by patiently engaging in reasoned and logical conversations. The verse “…Indeed, God loves those who are patient” 12 not only emphasizes that the patients are loved by God but also implies that they will be loved by others, for God causes those He loves to be loved by His creation as well. 13
Education and nurturing are fundamentally built on an atmosphere of love and affection. Those who persist in loving with patience and are loved because of their patience will solve their problems within the framework of love and respect, without resorting to verbal aggression.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The truly strong person is not the one who defeats others in wrestling but the one who controls their anger when they are provoked.” 14
Through this, he highlighted the value of controlling anger, particularly in interpersonal relationships, including teaching and nurturing. The verse “…Indeed, God is with the patient” 15 also reveals an important secret to effective communication and education. When educators act patiently, students also learn patience, allowing the process of teaching and learning to continue smoothly. Otherwise, in environments dominated by haste, not knowledge, learning, and discipline, but shouting, anger, resentment, and hatred prevail. Those subjected to such behavior will inevitably learn anger and shouting as responses. In this regard, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) provided a timeless standard for behavior: “Treat others as you would like to be treated. Do not say or do to others what you would not want said or done to you.” 16
Apologize If You Yelled!
Often, parents who yell at their children feel regret, reflect on their actions, and feel sorrow, saying, “How could I yell at this innocent child? Yes, the child made a mistake, but by yelling, I deeply hurt them, and I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have done that!” This self-reflection is an essential step toward addressing the wrong and healing the emotional wounds caused to the other person. However, self-reflection alone is not enough; this introspection must lead to an apology. According to the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), the ideal approach in the Sunnah is, “Do not say or do anything for which you would later have to apologize.” 17
Yet, when someone acts impulsively, setting aside patience and reflection, their responsibility is to apologize and start anew in their relationship and approach to guidance and discipline. In doing so, adults not only demonstrate their maturity but also set a lifelong example of admirable behavior for those they interact with.
If You Yelled, Explain Why!
Apologizing does not mean leaving the other person alone with their mistakes and wrongdoings. On the contrary, parents or teachers should explain, in a manner appropriate to the other person’s level of understanding, the logical and moral reasons for the mistake, wrongdoing, or sin that provoked their anger. This explanation should address both the material and spiritual harms of the action and aim to prevent its repetition. The focus should be on approaching the person, not the mistake, with tolerance, guiding them with compassion and gentleness. 18
If no verbal or practical steps are taken to correct the individual after the apology, then tolerance or the apology alone will not contribute positively to their change or growth.
An example of this can be found in the actions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). While he was in the mosque, a Bedouin came, moved to a corner, and began urinating. Witnessing this, the Companions shouted at the man to stop. The Prophet, noticing the situation, said, “Leave him alone, do not disturb him.” Once the man finished, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed those present, “Now, get a bucket of water and pour it over the spot where he urinated. You are sent to make things easy, not difficult.” 19 He didn’t stop there.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) then called the Bedouin over and gently explained, “Mosques are not suitable places for urinating. These spaces are dedicated to the remembrance of God, prayer, and the recitation of the Qur’an.” 20 In doing so, the Prophet not only clarified the
reason for the Companions’ reaction but also taught the man why his action was inappropriate.
Express Your Love Again!
Even if unintentional, yelling can have a negative impact on the other person, leading them to think that their parent or teacher doesn’t love or care for them. Therefore, apologizing is not enough. It is also beneficial to verbally reaffirm your love for them. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) emphasized the importance of expressing love when needed, saying, “If one of you loves their brother (for the sake of God), let them inform them of this love.” 21
In situations where emotions have been hurt, reviving the practice of giving gifts, a Sunnah of the Prophet can also be impactful. He said, “Exchange gifts, for it increases mutual love.” 22 The respected Anas ibn Malik would often advise his children, “My children, exchange gifts frequently among yourselves, for there is nothing like it to strengthen the bonds of love between you.” 23
Moreover, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained, giving gifts helps dispel resentment, hatred, and animosity from the heart, replacing them with positive and kind thoughts. 24 This small act can go a long way in mending emotional wounds and nurturing affection.
Don’t Yell—Instead, Do Good!
One common mistake made by parents and teachers who yell at children or young people is not seeking to quickly make amends for their behavior. Instead, they often cut off communication and dialogue. This response effectively punishes the individual, who might not even fully understand their mistake or why they were yelled at. Such a reaction holds no educational value, as the longer the distance is maintained, the more opportunities for guidance and mentoring are lost. The healthiest course of action in such situations is not to prolong the silence but to work on rebuilding communication. A good way to start is by doing an act of kindness. The principle that God conveyed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and which he exemplified throughout his life should serve as a guiding principle for every parent and teacher: “Good and evil are not equal. Repel evil with what is better.” 25
When wrongs are met with a spirit of benevolence and acts of goodness, the distance between the parent or teacher and the individual is swiftly bridged. As the verse further explains, such an approach can lead to even stronger bonds: “Then you will find that the one between whom and yourself was enmity will become as though a devoted friend.” 26
Of course, responding to wrongdoing with kindness rather than anger or yelling is not an easy standard to uphold. It requires great resolve and self-discipline. To achieve this, the Qur’an highlights two key traits: “This quality is granted only to those who are patient and those who have been blessed with a great share of virtue.” 27 Without such patience and virtue, prolonged resentment, hurt feelings, shouting, and ongoing withdrawal can drive children or young people away from their parents, and students away from their teachers and mentors.
Conclusion
When the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) encountered a mistake or wrongdoing, although his face might show disapproval, he would never lose his temper or yell at the individual. In such instances, he never looked down on anyone, rebuked them harshly, or humiliated them publicly. He consistently maintained love, compassion, and kindness toward everyone, serving as an example for others. He communicated in a way that directed people toward goodness, using effective yet gentle words that avoided hurting anyone’s feelings. Even when he was hurt, he would not hurt others in return. He chose the path of forgiveness, encouraged goodness, and turned away from those who were unresponsive or unwilling to understand. 28
With a compassionate approach, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) embraced people with affectionate gazes and respectful words, correcting their mistakes with care and wisdom. He never became angry for personal reasons or sought revenge. Thus, parents and teachers who struggle with the challenges of educating and disciplining, and who at times lose patience, yell, or shout at children and young people—believing this to be the only way to correct them—are in dire need of the Prophet’s guidance in this regard. His example offers invaluable lessons for those who wish to nurture and educate with patience, kindness, and wisdom.
Author: Dr. Selim Koç
Footnotes:
1.Surah Luqman, 31:19
2.Surah Luqman, 31:19
3.See Ibn Kathir, Tafsir on Surah Luqman, verse 19
4.See Tirmidhi, Birr 55
5.Tirmidhi, Birr 69; Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, VI/174
6.Tirmidhi, Birr 36
7.Bayhaqi, Shu’ab al-Iman, X/404
8.Surah Ta-Ha, 20:44
9.Muslim, Birr 10 (2563)
10.Bukhari, Adab 38
11.Tayalisi, Musnad (2659)
12.Surah Al Imran, 3:146
13.See Bukhari, Bad’ al-Khalq 6, Adab 41; Muslim, Birr 157
14.Muslim, Birr 107
15.Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:153
16.Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, VI/383 (27153); Haythami, Majma’ al-Zawa’id, I/48
17.Ibn Majah (4171); Musnad (23498)
19.Bukhari, Wudu 58; Adab 80; Abu Dawood, Taharah 138; Tirmidhi, Taharah 112
20.Muslim, Taharah 30/100 (285)
21.Abu Dawud, Adab 122; Tirmidhi, Zuhd 54
22.Bukhari, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, p. 159, No: 594
23.Bukhari, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, p. 159, No: 594
24.See Tirmidhi, Al-Wala wa’l-Hiba 6 (2130)
25.Surah Fussilat, 41:34
26.Surah Fussilat, 41:34
27.Surah Fussilat, 41:35
28.See Surah Al-A’raf, 7:199
