The Principles of Prophetic Education (1): “Stay Calm!”
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) followed many principles in the education of children and youth, as well as in the training of his companions. One of these principles is the approach of not magnifying mistakes, avoiding taking a wrong path, not burning bridges of communication, teaching the correct behavior, and winning over the person involved by maintaining calmness and composure. This approach is also known as “taanni.”
Taanni means avoiding haste and anger (deliberateness); it involves acting with forbearance, dignity, patience, common sense, and gentleness. As the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) stated, “Acting with calm deliberation is from God, while acting with haste is from Satan…”1
For deliberateness brings moderation and solution-oriented thinking, leading to the most appropriate resolution. Haste, on the other hand, prioritizes emotions over intellect and thought, and not only fails to contribute to solutions but also causes more mistakes to be made. This is why the harvest of the hasty is filled more with error than with wisdom.
When one acts with deliberateness, they gain control over everything from anger, tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions, keeping communication channels open. This allows for calm conversations with the child, youth, or interlocutor. In such a peaceful environment, they can express themselves comfortably, and despite their mistakes, they become aware that they are loved unconditionally and that the parent, teacher, or administrator is trying to help them with compassion. In an atmosphere dominated by reason, logic, and mercy rather than emotions and feelings, the necessary steps can be discussed and thought through together, creating a natural opportunity to help the other person out of their mistake.
Otherwise, it’s like fanning the flames, missing the right moment for a solution, and losing the chance to guide those involved.
There are many examples from the life of the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) where he maintained composure in the face of wrong requests and behaviors. Here are a few of them:
The Child Who Threw Stones at the Date Palm: Rafi’ ibn Amr One day, Rafi’ Ibn Amr entered the garden of an Ansari companion and began throwing stones at a date palm, eating the dates that fell. The owner of the garden saw him, caught him, and brought him before the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), complaining and asking for him to be punished. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), however, approached the child calmly and asked in a compassionate tone, “My dear child, why did you throw stones at the date palm?” The child replied, “I was hungry and threw the stones to eat.” In response, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not throw stones at the tree again! But you may eat the dates that have fallen to the ground.” Not stopping there, the Prophet then drew closer to the child, gently stroked his head, and prayed, “O God, provide this child with sustenance that will satisfy his hunger.”2
As seen in this example, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) listened to the situation calmly, without becoming angry or scolding the child. He did not react by saying, “How could you do such a thing?” or frighten him. Instead, he approached the child with love and compassion, addressing him as “My dear child,” speaking to him calmly, and offering an alternative solution by saying, “The next time you’re hungry, you can eat the dates that have fallen to the ground.” Moreover, he went further by gently stroking the child’s head and embracing him with a prayer. Thus, the essence of education is calmness, love, and compassion. In this regard, it is essential for parents and teachers to first and foremost master the art of staying calm. Children often do not realize that what they have done is wrong or even recognize their mistakes. In such situations, reacting with anger, shouting, or punishment can inflict deep and lasting psychological wounds.
Therefore, during such moments, it is crucial for the child to see the person they are interacting with (whether a parent, teacher, guide, or administrator) as a calm and safe harbor where they can seek refuge.
The Young Man Who Asked for Permission to Commit Adultery: Julaybib
A young man once came to the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) and asked for permission to commit adultery. Upon hearing this request, the noble companions immediately became angry and stood up to put the young man in his place. Witnessing this scene, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), while maintaining his composure, calmed them by saying, “Leave him to me!” He then asked the young man to sit in front of him and calmly posed the following question: “Young man, would you want someone to do such a thing with your mother or your sister? Would you be pleased if this shameful act was committed with them?” The young man, now agitated by the thought, replied, “No, never!” The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) then said, “Know that no one would want such a disgraceful act to be done with their own relatives!”
As seen in this example, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) again responds to the young man with calmness, diffuses the tension, and asks him to sit close. He does not scold him by saying, “How could you ask for such a thing?” Instead, through questions and explanations, he gently convinces the young man logically. Moreover, he places his hand compassionately on the young man’s chest and prays, “O God, purify this young man’s heart! Protect his honor and dignity, and forgive his sins.” 3
Through this approach, the young man was given the opportunity to reform himself and later became known as one of the most honorable young men in Medina. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) even arranged his marriage. This example illustrates that educators must maintain their composure even when faced with the most negative desires and requests from those they are guiding. They should strive to resolve situations by appealing to reason, logic, and emotions simultaneously, rather than pushing them further into wrongdoing through anger, threats, or force.
The Bedouin Who Urinated in the Prophet’s Mosque
While the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was in his mosque, a Bedouin entered, went to a corner of the mosque, and began to urinate. Those who witnessed the scene immediately rushed towards the man to stop him. However, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), noticing the situation, said, “Leave him alone, do not disturb him!” After the man finished, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed those present, “Now get a bucket of water and pour it over the place where he urinated. You were sent to make things easy, not to make them difficult.” 4 He then called the Bedouin over and gently advised him, “Mosques are not suitable places for urination. These places are dedicated to the remembrance of God, prayer, and the recitation of the Qur’an.”
In this incident, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did not shout at the Bedouin or say, “How could you do such a thing in the mosque?” Instead, he calmly guided him in a way the man could understand. He also taught his companions to approach those who make mistakes with gentleness rather than anger and harshness. Furthermore, by referencing the principle “Make things easy, do not make them difficult,” 5—a fundamental rule of Prophetic education— he emphasized that this approach is the best way to help and guide others.
The Call to “Stay Calm” to Aisha
A group of Jews came to visit the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) at his home and greeted him by saying, “As-Samu alaykum!”—a phrase that, with a slight change in pronunciation, replaced “As-salamu alaikum” (peace be upon you) with “As-samu,” meaning death, thereby wishing death upon him. Realizing their deceit, the respected Aisha, the wife of the Prophet, became angry and responded sharply, saying, “May death and curses be upon you!” The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), witnessing this, calmly replied to the visitors, “And upon you.” He then turned to Aisha and said, “Calm down, O Aisha! Allah loves gentleness in all matters.”
After the visitors had left, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) addressed the respected Aisha again, saying, “O Aisha, what was that harshness and curse? Indeed, God does not love harshness, nor does He love foul language.” Aisha, still upset, asked, “But, O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him)! Did you not hear what they said?” To this, the Prophet gave a wise response: “Yes, I heard what they said and understood their intention, just as you did. But did you not hear how I responded to them? I simply said, ‘And upon you,’ meaning ‘May it be upon you.’ Indeed, I was not sent to be a person who uses foul language. They wished something upon us, and we wished the same upon them. However, their curses will not be answered, while our supplication will be answered by God.”6
As seen in this incident, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did not confront his visitors by saying, “How dare you curse me, especially in my own home, in front of my family?” Nor did he react angrily towards Aisha by saying, “Why did you intervene while I was present?” Instead, he maintained his composure and advised the respected Aisha to remain calm as well. In such situations, maintaining calmness prevents the tension from escalating and stops the incident from turning into a conflict. Otherwise, reacting emotionally and responding to wrongdoing with more wrongdoing benefits no one and only leads to loss on both sides.
On another occasion, Asma bint Yazid, one of the women of the Ansar, came to visit the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) while he was with the respected Aisha, wanting to ask him a question. When the Prophet permitted her to ask, she inquired, “How should a woman in menstruation take a ritual bath?” Upon hearing this question, the respected Aisha became irritated and sharply interjected, saying, “Stop, may you perish! You’ve disgraced women!” In response, the Prophet gently said, “Calm down, O Aisha!” and then remarked, “The women of the Ansar ask about matters of jurisprudence. How insightful the women of the Ansar are, that their modesty does not prevent them from learning their religion.” 7 Far from reprimanding Asma, he praised her and, by extension, all the women of the Ansar for their wisdom and their eagerness to learn.
The Companion Who Spoke During Prayer: Muawiya ibn al-Hakam
While the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was leading the prayer, a member of the congregation sneezed. Muawiya ibn al-Hakam immediately said to him, “Yarhamuk Allah” (May God have mercy on you). The congregation, however, started to give him disapproving glances. Disturbed by their looks, he asked, “What is the matter with you? Why are you looking at me like that?” When they did not respond but instead began striking their thighs, Muawiya realized that they were trying to silence him and became quiet. After the prayer concluded, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) calmly asked, “Who was the one speaking?” When the congregation pointed to Muawiya, the Prophet called him over and, in a kind manner, said, “O Muawiya! This act of worship is called prayer. During prayer, one should not speak.
Prayer consists only of glorification, takbir, and the recitation of the Qur’an.” Muawiya then responded, “O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him)! I have recently embraced Islam.” Based on the Prophet’s tolerance, Muawiya asked him other questions as well. 8
As seen in this incident, the Prophet did not scold Muawiya by saying, “How could you speak during prayer and disrupt the congregation?” Instead, he spoke to him calmly and explained that speaking during prayer is inappropriate. Muawiya was deeply affected by this gentle treatment and would later say, “May my parents be sacrificed for him! I have never seen a calmer and better teacher in my life. By God, he neither scolded nor condemned me for what I did, nor did he beat me. He simply taught me calmly and gently that talking about worldly matters during prayer is not allowed.”
Conclusion
The value of maintaining “calmness” in education and teaching far exceeds what is commonly anticipated. The most effective methodologies and approaches for solving problems and correcting mistakes can be identified only when calmness is preserved, and the best decisions are made in such an environment. In this sense, maintaining calmness can be considered half of the solution. Therefore, approaching negative attitudes and behaviors from children and young people calmly and with compassion is the most effective approach. Otherwise, hasty and angry actions and decisions often result in harm to the parent, teacher, or guide.
Parents and teachers should not immediately react with anger or shouting when a child makes a mistake or exhibits inappropriate behavior. Such reactions can frighten the child and make them feel unsafe. Additionally, children or young people may harbor anger and resentment towards their parents or teachers, and may even become withdrawn. Maintaining calm and approaching children and young people with gentleness fosters love, respect, and a sense of security. Conversely, reacting with haste and anger produces the opposite effect. In summary, calmness leads to unity and reconciliation within the family, while hastiness and anger result in distance and withdrawal.
Author: Dr. Selim Koç
Footnotes:
1.Tirmidhi, Birr 66; Bayhaqi, Sunan al-Kubra X/104 (20270).
2.Tirmidhi, Buyu 54; Ibn Majah, Tijarat 67.
3.See Ahmed ibn Hanbal, Musnad V/256, 257.
4.Bukhari, Wudu 58; Adab 80; Abu Dawood, Taharah 136; Tirmidhi, Taharah 112.
5.Bukhari, Ilm 12; Adab 80; Muslim, Jihad 6,7 (1732, 1733).
6.Bukhari, Adab 38; Muslim, Birr 79 (4144) or see 2592.
7.Bukhari, Ilm 32; Ali al-Muttaqi, Kanz al-Ummal IX/27765.
8.Muslim, Masajid 33; Abu Dawood, Salat 167.
