The Principles of Prophetic Education (18): “Turn Your Closeness into Action!”
In education and teaching, communicative closeness behaviors are categorized into two types: verbal and non-verbal. Two previously published articles focused on verbal closeness behaviors. 1 In this article, “non-verbal closeness behaviors” will be examined, the first of which is physical touch. Seemingly simple physical touches—such as stroking the head, holding hands, or touching the shoulder/chest—are essential for both healthy communication and an effective education process, with cultural differences taken into account. Naturally, physical touch should be considered in two distinct categories: children and adults. Regarding child education, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) implemented this principle through the following practices:
Being Close with Love and Compassion
In child education, just as love and compassion are crucial, it is equally important to translate these emotions into physical closeness through touch. Strengthening communication and fostering feelings of closeness require physical expressions of affection such as: Holding a child in one’s arms, hugging and kissing, stroking their head or cheeks, carrying them on one’s shoulders or back, playing and joking with them. Without these actions, love and compassion alone may not be sufficient for a child’s emotional communication, physical development, and education.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) displayed great affection towards children—he held them in his arms, kissed them, seated them on his lap, stroked their heads and cheeks, and spent time with them. He engaged both their intellect and emotions, establishing a deep emotional connection through physical touch. His words resonated in their hearts, and his actions had a lasting impact on their behavior. Through this approach, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) made education both enjoyable and effective, reinforcing desired behaviors. Physical contact is a key element of body language in teaching, as actions like stroking a child’s head, shaking hands, or embracing them often amplify the impact of spoken words and advice. Therefore, physical and emotional closeness should not be seen as separate. Education must acknowledge that a person is a whole being, encompassing both body and emotions.
Embracing and Kissing
One of the ways God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) showed affection to children was by taking his grandchildren into his arms, embracing them with compassion, and kissing them. He would express this love with the supplication: “O my Lord! Have mercy on them! I love them dearly and feel great compassion for them, so love them too!” 2 In doing so, he not only demonstrated love and kindness but also taught those around him the importance of closeness and affection.
On one occasion, he saw his grandson, Husayn, playing with his friends in the street and called out to him. However, Husayn was so engrossed in his game that he did not respond to his grandfather’s call. Seeing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) laughed and ran after him playfully. When he finally caught him, he embraced him with love and kissed him, saying: “Husayn is from me, and I am from Husayn. I love Husayn dearly. Whoever loves Allah also loves Husayn. He is my grandson.” 3
Not everyone, however, understood such deep love and affection. Akra ibn Habis found it surprising and remarked: “O Messenger of God! (peace and blessings be upon him) I have ten children, yet I have never kissed any of them.” In response to Akra’s lack of tenderness towards his children, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) established a profound principle: “He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” 4
Similarly, on another occasion, a man from the desert asked, “Do you kiss your children? We never kiss or caress them!” Hearing this, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) replied: “If God has removed mercy from your hearts, what can I do for you?” 5
Therefore, for parents to express their affection toward their children, embracing and kissing them is an important Sunnah. This not only nurtures feelings of love and compassion in children but also contributes to their emotional development. Indeed, modern psychiatric research has shown that individuals suffering from psychosomatic disorders often lacked sufficient love, affection, and physical closeness—such as being hugged and kissed—during childhood.
As seen, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) transformed his love and care into visible actions, openly displaying them. In doing so, he emphasized the significance of love and closeness in education and upbringing, particularly in a society that had only recently emerged from the harsh traditions of the pre-Islamic era. For those who struggled to understand this due to the weight of their cultural norms, he provided unforgettable and deeply impactful responses, ensuring that these principles and behaviors became firmly established in society.
Seating them on His Lap
Another sign of God’s Messenger’s (peace and blessings be upon him) love and affection for children was his practice of seating them on his lap. Through this gesture, he not only established an emotional bond with them but also set an example for his companions on how to raise children with love, care, and closeness. On one occasion, he seated Hasan on his right knee and Husayn on his left knee, gazing at them both with eyes full of compassion. Moved by this heartwarming scene, one of the companions asked, “O Messenger of God! (peace and blessings be upon him) Do you love them so much?” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) responded: “Whoever loves them loves me, and whoever harbors hatred toward them harbors hatred toward me.” 6
Another example of this practice is narrated by Ibn Rabi‘a: “My father sent me, and Abbas sent his son Fadl, to the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). When we arrived, he seated us on his lap, one on each side. Then, he embraced us so tightly and lovingly that I had never experienced such warmth from anyone before.” 7
The respected Usāma ibn Zayd never forgot the love and closeness that God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) showed him and would often recall it, saying: “The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would seat me on one of his knees and his grandson Hasan on the other. Then, embracing us both, he would say, ‘O God, I love them—so love them too!’” 8
As seen in these examples, God’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) used various forms of nonverbal affection, leaving lifelong impressions and cherished memories in the hearts and minds of those he interacted with. From this perspective, acts such as holding a child, kissing, embracing, stroking their head, sitting them on one’s lap, playing with them at their level, and joking with them are not mere pastimes. Rather, they serve as essential tools for nurturing love, compassion, and a sense of security in children. These gestures should be seen not just as entertainment but as integral parts of emotional and cognitive development. Indeed, the foundation for a lifelong strong emotional connection between parents, grandparents, and their children is laid during childhood—through these very acts of love and closeness.
Carrying on the Shoulders
One of the expressions of love and affection demonstrated by the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was carrying children on his shoulders. The respected Barā’ ibn Āzib narrated an instance he witnessed regarding this: “One day, I saw Hasan on the shoulders of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He was carrying him around while praying, *‘O God! I love him, so love him too!’” 9
A similar account is also reported regarding one of his grandchildren, Umāmah, the daughter of the respected Zaynab. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would sometimes carry her on his shoulders and come to the mosque. He would begin his voluntary prayer in that state, lowering her when going into bowing (rukū‘) and lifting her back onto his shoulders when standing up again. 10
Caressing the Head and Cheeks
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did not show love, compassion, and affection only to his own children and grandchildren but to all the children of his companions as well. For instance, the respected Jābir ibn Samurah recalled one of his experiences: “We had performed the noon prayer with the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) . As he got up to go to his family, I followed him. Then, when he reached the street, a group of children came to meet him, and I joined them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) took time to engage with each of them individually, caressing their cheeks. When my turn came, he lovingly stroked my cheek as well. At that moment, I felt the coolness of his hand and smelled its pleasant fragrance.” 11
Similarly, the respected Sa‘īd ibn Zayd narrated: “During my childhood, my aunt took me along when she went to visit the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) . He stroked my head and prayed for me.” 12 Amr ibn Hureirah also reported that his mother took him to the presence of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), who then caressed his head and prayed for him to receive abundant sustenance. 13
Likewise, when ‘Abdullāh ibn Salām had a son, he brought the child to the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) took the baby in his arms, named him Yūsuf, and affectionately stroked his head. 14
The respected Anas, who began serving and learning from the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) at the age of ten, would frequently have his head caressed by him. He cherished this so much that he never cut the forelocks that had been touched by the Prophet’s blessed hands. Sometimes, the Prophet would even gently hold his locks and playfully tease him. 15
In another account, Zaynab bint Humayd took her son, ‘Abdullāh ibn Hishām, by the hand and brought him to the Prophet to pledge allegiance. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) responded, “He is still too young!” But he then affectionately stroked the boy’s head and prayed for him. 16
Placing His Hand on the Head and Stroking the Face and Chest
One of the expressions of closeness the Messenger of Allah showed to children and young people was placing his blessed hand on their heads, stroking their faces and chests, and praying for them. A clear example of this can be seen in the experience of Abū Mahdhūrah, who was honored with such affection. He narrated:
*”The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was returning from the Battle of Ḥunayn. I was with a group of ten young men from Mecca. At that time, I had not yet embraced Islam, nor did I have any intention of doing so. When the time for prayer approached, the mu’adhdhin (caller to prayer) began reciting the adhān (call to prayer). My friends and I moved to the side, listening to the adhān while mockingly repeating it in jest. Noticing our behavior and understanding that we were making fun of the adhān, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) had us brought to him. He then asked which of us had the best voice. My friends all pointed at me. Thereupon, he taught me the words of the adhān and asked me to recite it. Though I disliked it, I had no other choice, so I began reciting the adhān in front of him. When I finished, he gave me a pouch of silver coins. Then, placing his hand on my head, he stroked my face and chest and prayed, ‘May God bless you and make this act beneficial for you!’ Encouraged by his kindness, I asked, ‘O Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), will you permit me to call the adhān at the Ka‘bah?’ He granted me permission. At that moment, all my resentment toward him vanished, and my heart was filled with faith and love. I returned to Mecca and, by his command, began serving as the mu’adhdhin.” 17
As seen in this example, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) drew young Abū Mahdhūrah close, despite his initial mockery of the adhān. Through this compassionate approach, Abū Mahdhūrah’s heart softened, and his animosity transformed into love, leading him to embrace Islam. He never forgot this life-changing experience and eagerly recounted it to those who asked. In fact, he never cut the forelocks that had been touched by the Prophet’s blessed hands. 18
For the rest of his life, he cherished this as a precious memory and a great trust from the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him).
Giving Gifts and Expressing Appreciation
One way to express nonverbal affection is through giving gifts or acknowledging the material and spiritual blessings a person possesses. This can be done by expressing admiration and offering compliments on various occasions. In this act, both verbal and nonverbal expressions of closeness are intertwined. One of the fundamental psychological needs of a human being is the need to feel appreciated and praised. When this need is met—without exaggeration—it yields positive outcomes, strengthens communication, and reinforces relationships.
It fosters a love for learning and teaching, contributes positively to success, and encourages personal growth.The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Exchange gifts, so that love may grow between you.” 19 In another hadith, he stated: “Give gifts to one another so that your love for each other increases. Exchange gifts, for it removes feelings of resentment and hostility from the heart and replaces them with good and positive emotions.” 20
With these words, the Prophet emphasized that giving gifts not only strengthens love and affection among people but also helps eliminate negative feelings, fostering closeness and goodwill among individuals.
As seen in the example, the Prophet takes care of this girl personally in order to express his closeness; He gives gifts, approaches with love and compassion, and even after the dress he gave as a gift is put on him, he touches his ornaments and says, “It’s very beautiful, it suits you very well!”” and further strengthens the emotional bond between them. The way the Prophet showed his closeness in this way had such an impact on him that he never forgot it; He conveys his appreciation and touches as a sweet memory.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) would allocate all charities to meet the needs of the Ahl al-Suffa and would often use the gifts presented to him for their benefit as well. 21
These special students of Masjid al-Nabawi, who had devoted themselves to knowledge and worship, were always treated with the utmost selflessness by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He prioritized them even over his own family members. This closeness endeared the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the pursuit of knowledge to them, leading them to dedicate themselves to education, teaching, and Islamic service in exchange for nothing more than a simple meal.
An example of the Prophet’s approach in his interactions and teaching can be seen in the account of Umm Khalid: “When I returned to Medina from Abyssinia, I was just a little girl. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) dressed me in a black woolen garment. The garment had decorative patterns on it. He touched those patterns with his hand and began to say, ‘Sanah, sanah!’—which means ‘beautiful’ in Abyssinian.” 22
Conclusion
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon) placed great importance on both verbal and non-verbal expressions of closeness in his teaching and upbringing methods. He demonstrated these behaviors not only toward his own children and grandchildren but also toward the children of his companions. Through this, he provided practical methods for instilling desired behaviors in children while also setting an example for how to approach their mistakes and negative attitudes. With these practices, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon) taught parents and educators that emotional bonds with those they are guiding should never be neglected. He showed through his actions that expressions of warmth and affection are an essential part of education and upbringing.
Moreover, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon) displayed these behaviors openly, allowing everyone to witness and learn from them. In doing so, he transformed societal attitudes toward children in a community that was emerging from pre-Islamic customs. He also introduced new principles for child-rearing, emphasizing that success in education is achieved through love, compassion, mercy, and actively demonstrating these qualities in practice.
Footnotes:
2.Bukhari, Fadā’il al-Sahāba 18 (3735); Muslim, Fadā’il al-Sahāba 57-59 (2461)
3.Ibn Mājah, Muqaddimah 11; Hakim, Al-Mustadrak, III/177
4.Bukhari, Adab 18 (5997); Muslim, 15/65, 66 (2318, 2319)
5.Bukhari, Adab 18 (5998); Muslim, Fadā’il 15/64 (2317)
6.See Ibn Sa’d, Tabaqāt, VI/360-362
7.Ibn Hajar, Al-Matālib al-‘Āliyah, II/441
8.Bukhari, Fadā’il al-Sahāba 22 (3747)
9.Bukhari, Fadā’il al-Sahāba 22 (3749); Muslim, Fadā’il al-Sahāba 8/57, 58 (2422)
10.Bukhari, Salāt 106, Adab 18 (5996); Muslim, Masājid 10/41-43 (543)
11.Muslim, Fadā’il 80
12.Bukhari, Da‘awāt 30
13.Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad, p. 221 (632)
14.Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad, p. 134 (367)
15.See Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Taraqqul 15 (4196)
16.Bukhari, Ahkam 46 (7210)
17.Ibn Mājah, Adhān 2 (708); Nasa’i, Adhān 5,6 (632)
18.See Abu Dawud, Salāt 28 (501)
19.Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad, p. 159 (594)
20.Malik, Muwatta, Husn al-Khuluq 16 (1635)
21.See Bukhari, Riqaq 17 (6452)
22.Bukhari, Manāqib al-Ansār 37 (3874)
