Principles of Prophetic Education (11): “Don’t Call Out Mistakes!”
One of the common mishandlings in education and teaching is confronting someone with their mistakes directly and embarrassing them. Many parents and teachers believe that by doing so, they are disciplining and preparing the individual for the future. However, humans are inherently fallible and prone to forgetfulness. Due to forgetfulness, heedlessness, impulsiveness, or various weaknesses, people can make mistakes. As the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) stated, “Every human makes mistakes. But the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent frequently.” 1
Therefore, the important point here is to adopt the right approach when faced with a mistake: to guide the person appropriately and to instill in them the awareness, will, and effort to correct their errors. The fundamental strategy in addressing incorrect words or actions should not be to shame or humiliate the individual. Instead, one should approach them in a way that helps them overcome their mistakes and work together with them to replace their errors with what is right.
Never Confront Mistakes Directly!
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) never confronted individuals directly about their mistakes. Instead, he would address the issue during his sermons or discussions without mentioning anyone by name, ensuring that the message was conveyed in a way that avoided embarrassment. As narrated by our mother Aisha, if the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) came to know of an undesirable behavior or remark, he would not say, “What is wrong with so-and-so that they act or say such things?” Instead, he would use general terms and say, “What is wrong with some people that they say or do such things?” This way, he ensured that the correction was made while maintaining the dignity of the individual. 2
An example of this is when the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) appointed Ibn Lutbiyya from the Azd tribe as a collector of alms (zakah). After completing his task, Ibn Lutbiyya returned and, while delivering the collected zakah, said, “This is for you, and this was given to me as a gift.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) responded, “If you had stayed in your parents’ house, would these gifts have been given to you?” He explained to him that it was inappropriate to claim such gifts. The Prophet then delivered a sermon and said: “I appoint one of you to a task, and then he comes back saying, ‘This is for you, and this was given to me as a gift.’ If he is truthful, let him remain in his mother’s or father’s home to see if he will be given such gifts! By God, whoever takes something unlawfully will come on the Day of Resurrection carrying it on their back.” 3
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did not humiliate Ibn Lutbiyya by publicly exposing his mistake. Instead, he used the incident as a teaching moment, addressing the community at large and warning them against similar behavior. By avoiding names and addressing the matter generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) demonstrated both his politeness and his deep respect for human dignity and honor. 4
Take Precautions in Advance!
In education and upbringing, the fundamental principle is to take preventive measures to protect individuals from mistakes and wrongdoings. In the Qur’an, God (glorified and exalted be He) not only commands good and forbids evil but also encourages actions that lead to good and prohibits those that pave the way to wrongdoing. This principle, known in Islamic jurisprudence as sadd al-dhara’i (blocking the means to evil), is a vital guideline in teaching and training. For example, Islam prohibits the consumption of alcohol and gambling. Alongside these prohibitions, actions or means that might lead to drinking or gambling are also forbidden. 5 This ensures that individuals are safeguarded against falling into such sins in the first place. This approach can be likened to spiritual hygiene. Otherwise, correcting people after they have already fallen into error or wrongdoing becomes much more challenging.
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) appointed Mu’adh ibn Jabal as the governor of Janad in Yemen. There, he would serve as both a governor and a judge while also teaching the people the Qur’an and Islam.
Additionally, he would oversee the collection of zakat and charity from the people. When the time came for his departure, the Prophet walked with him for a while and gave him the following advice: “You are going to a people of the Scripture. First, invite them to testify that there is no god but Allah and that I am the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). If they accept this, then inform them that God has made five daily prayers obligatory upon them. If they accept this as well, inform them that God has mandated zakat to be taken from their wealthy and distributed to their poor. If they comply with this, be cautious not to take the most valuable or precious of their possessions.” 6
As seen here, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) provided clear guidance to Mu’adh to help him fulfill his responsibilities properly and avoid mistakes. Moreover, he taught Mu’adh what to do in case he committed an error, sin, or wrongdoing: “Fear God wherever you are. Follow up an evil deed with a good one to erase it. And always treat people with the best of character.” 7 The Prophet did not stop there. For the journey Mu’adh was to undertake with Abu Musa al-Ash’ari, he gave an essential principle to safeguard them from many potential mistakes: “Facilitate and do not complicate. Give glad tidings and do not make people averse. Work together in harmony and do not disagree.” 8
Do Not Shame, But Be Quick to Guide!
Human beings have an inherently hasty nature. 9 As a result, people often act with haste and anger, rushing into actions without considering whether what they are doing is right or wrong, and confront their counterparts head-on. However, such an emotional approach alienates the person—whether a child, a student, or anyone—from the parent or teacher, pushing them into the arms of errors or human and jinn-like devils. This is why the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Deliberation is from God, and haste is from Satan,” 10 emphasizing the need for a person to always act with reason, logic, and sound judgment—that is, to embody forbearance (hilm). Patience, calmness, and forbearance can solve problems before they grow larger. Indeed, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) thoroughly investigated situations brought before him and did not rush into decisions, always acting calmly. Many examples of this can be found in his life.
One such example involves Rafi’ ibn Amr. One day, this young boy entered the garden of one of the Ansar and threw stones at the date palm trees, eating the dates that fell. The garden owner caught him in the act and brought him to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), complaining and asking for punishment. The Prophet, however, did not act hastily. Instead, he approached the situation calmly and gently. Speaking in a tone filled with compassion, he asked the boy, “My dear child, why did you throw stones at the tree?” The boy replied, “I was hungry, so I threw stones to get something to eat.” Upon hearing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gently advised, “Do not throw stones at the tree again. Instead, you may eat from the dates that have fallen on the ground.” Not stopping there, the Prophet drew closer to the child, lovingly stroked his head, and prayed for him, saying, “O God, provide this child with sustenance that will satisfy his hunger.” 11
As we see here, the Prophet did not rush to scold the boy by saying, “How could you do such a mischievous thing?” He did not embarrass, frighten, or immediately punish him. Rather, he addressed the boy with affection, calling him “my dear child,” and gently redirected him by saying, “Next time, eat from the dates on the ground.” Moreover, he embraced the child through a prayer while physically showing kindness by stroking his head. Thus, it is crucial in teaching and education not to hastily confront children with their mistakes, but rather to gently guide them toward the right path. Children often do not realize that what they are doing is wrong or even why it is wrong. In such cases, yelling, reprimanding, embarrassing, or punishing them can cause deep psychological wounds that may never heal. For this reason, during such moments, it is essential for children or young people to see in front of them a calm and safe harbor where they can find solace and security.
Do Not Shame, Teach What Is Right!
Confronting others by pointing out their mistakes, scolding, insulting, or even threatening them constitutes verbal abuse. Instead of these harsh approaches, it is far more effective and beneficial to gently remind and teach what is right, and to always encourage good behavior. In fact, the Qur’an commands and advises not to reprimand but to persist in giving kind counsel: “And remind, for indeed, reminder benefits the believers.” 12 Thus, a child or youth who makes a mistake does not need to be reprimanded; rather, they need to be embraced with love, guided gently with kind words, and offered compassionate mentorship. Teaching through invoking feelings of love and respect is far easier and more effective than invoking fear and insecurity by scolding and pointing out faults.
A telling example of this approach comes from the respected Umar ibn Abi Salama, who describes how the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) corrected a mistake he made at the dining table: “While eating, I was moving my hand all around the dish. Upon seeing this, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) kindly said to me, ‘O my son, say Bismillah before eating, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you.’ From that day on, I always ate as he had instructed me.” 13
As seen here, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not rebuke the child with negative words like, “What kind of eating is this? Is this how one eats?” Nor did he shame him or call him out for his mistake. Instead, he used a gentle tone to teach him the proper way to eat. Through this kind and thoughtful manner, he corrected the child’s behavior while fostering respect and love.
Do Not Shame, Persuade!
Human beings are naturally “civilized by nature”—that is, they are created as inherently social and communal beings. Winning over-civilized individuals is best achieved through persuasion. When one addresses both the intellect, logic, reasoning, and emotions of their audience, there are very few problems that cannot be resolved. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) was mindful of this in addressing the issues brought to him. He never shamed or embarrassed his counterparts but always approached them with methods of persuasion.
Do Not Delay Intervention!
Pointing out mistakes directly does not guide people toward the right path. However, timely and appropriate intervention can greatly help transform errors into correct behavior. When intervention
is delayed, misconceptions, mistakes, and wrongdoing can become ingrained in a person’s nature, making them much harder to correct. For this reason, those in positions of responsibility must closely observe their counterparts and act promptly and wisely upon hearing of or witnessing mistakes or wrongdoings.
A notable example involves three Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who visited the Mothers of the Believers and inquired about the worship practices of the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him). Upon hearing the description, they deemed it insufficient and remarked, “Where are we compared to the Prophet? God has forgiven all his past and future sins.” They then resolved among themselves to adopt extreme measures: one declared, “I will pray throughout the night and not engage in any other activity.” The second said, “I will fast every day without exception.” The third vowed, “I will abstain from marriage and dedicate myself entirely to worship.” When this reached the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he immediately addressed the matter by delivering a sermon. He said, “What is the matter with some people who say such things? Be aware, by God, I am the one who fears God the most and is the most mindful of Him among you. Yet I fast and break my fast; I pray and I rest; and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” 14
As seen here, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did not delay in addressing the Companions’ extreme approach. Importantly, he did not scold them with words like, “How dare you belittle my acts of worship and create your own ideas about religion!” Instead, he used this as an opportunity to clarify the true understanding of piety. He eloquently explained that genuine piety is not based on personal interpretations but must align with the Sunnah, which remains the standard under all circumstances.
Conceal Faults and Encourage Repentance!
In Islam, the principle is not to expose or broadcast others’ personal faults but to cover them. On this matter, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “…Whoever conceals the fault of a friend, Go will conceal their faults in this world and the Hereafter…” 15 Conversely, those who act otherwise are warned with equal severity: “…Whoever exposes the fault of a believer, God will expose their faults, even if they are in the privacy of their own home.” 16 The true wisdom lies not in revealing people’s mistakes but in forgiving, covering them, and encouraging repentance.
The Qur’an itself calls people to repentance, 17 teaching all believers the importance of encouraging one another to turn to God in repentance. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) also emphasized this by saying: “O people, turn to God in repentance and seek His forgiveness, for I repent to Him a hundred times a day.” 18
Through this, he not only directed people toward repentance but also underlined the need to inspire each other to repent rather than shame one another. A beautiful example of this approach is found in the actions of the respected Umar ibn al-Khattab : There was a wealthy and influential man from the people of Sham who would occasionally visit Umar. When the man had not been seen for a long time, Umar inquired about him, asking, “What is so-and-so doing? He hasn’t been around.” Those present replied, “O Leader of the Believers! He has completely given himself over to wine and spends his days and nights drinking.” Greatly distressed by this, the respected Umar summoned his scribe and dictated a brief letter: “Peace be upon you. I praise God, besides whom there is no deity, the One who forgives sins, accepts repentance, is severe in punishment, and is abundant in bounty. There is no god but Him, and to Him is the return.” After dictating the letter, the respected Umar turned to those around him and said, “Now, let us all pray to God to guide our brother and accept his repentance.” He encouraged everyone to make dua sincerely for the man.
When the letter reached its recipient, he read it carefully. He repeated the verse, “God forgives sins, accepts repentance, is severe in punishment, and is abundant in bounty,” several times. Overwhelmed, he reflected, “God is both warning me with His punishment and giving me hope with His forgiveness.” Tears began to flow, and the man sincerely repented for his actions. When the respected Umar heard about this, he was overjoyed and remarked, “This is how you should act! When you see a brother deviating or drowning in sin, work to guide him back to the right path by instilling hope in God’s forgiveness. Do not stop there; pray to God to accept their repentance. Never curse them or aid Satan against them.” 19
Conclusion
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) never tore down the veil of dignity between himself and others by openly confronting individuals about their faults or mistakes. He refrained from reprimanding or scolding people in ways that would embarrass or humiliate them. Instead, he often avoided direct confrontation, choosing indirect and thoughtful approaches to address issues. Through wise intervention at the right time, he skillfully replaced incorrect thoughts and behaviors with what was correct.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) focused on addressing the mistake rather than attacking the individual, taking great care not to damage a person’s self-esteem. On occasions when he observed something he disliked, he would sometimes choose silence to avoid embarrassing others, conveying his disapproval through subtle facial expressions instead. 20 His gentle demeanor and expressive face were enough to communicate his feelings effectively.
His sensitivity in this regard was so remarkable that even after the conquest of Mecca, he refrained from bringing up the past wrongs and injustices committed against him and the Muslims. He never embarrassed or shamed those who had oppressed them or committed grievous acts. Furthermore, he did not allow the newly converted to Islam to be shamed over the actions of their polytheist ancestors, ensuring their dignity and comfort in their new faith.
This exemplary behavior underscores the importance of addressing mistakes with wisdom and compassion while protecting the honor and dignity of others.
Author: Dr. Selim Koç
Dr. Selim Koç, one of our esteemed contributors, completed his undergraduate studies in 1987 at Uludağ University’s Faculty of Theology. In 1992, he earned his master’s degree in Hadith studies from the same faculty. He completed his doctorate in 2002 in the field of Tafsir at Sakarya University’s Institute of Social Sciences. During this period, Dr. Koç continued to receive specialized training in areas such as Tafsir, Hadith, Fiqh, Kalam, and Tasawwuf. He has been actively engaged in studies on the Prophet’s biography (Seerah), authoring articles and conducting research in this field for many years. For the past eight years, he has been a regular contributor to our site. Dr. Koç also spent 1.5 years residing in Mecca and Medina, where he visited numerous sites related to the life of the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him), conducting special research and investigations.
Footnotes:
1.Tirmidhi, Qiyamah 49; Ibn Majah, Zuhd 30
2.Abu Dawud, Adab 6
3.Bukhari, Hibah 17; Ayman 3; Hiyal 15; Muslim, Imarah 7/26
5.See Al-Ma’idah, 5:90
6.Bukhari, Maghazi 60
7.Tirmidhi, Birr 55; Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Musnad, V/153 (22112)
8.Bukhari, Jihad 164; Muslim, Jihad 3/6-8
9.See Al-Isra, 17:11
10.Tirmidhi, Birr 66
11.Tirmidhi, Buyu 54; Ibn Majah, Tijarat 67
12.Az-Zariyat, 51:55
13.Bukhari, At’imah 2, 3; Muslim, Ashribah 13/108
14.Muslim, Nikah 1/5; Bukhari, Nikah 1
15.Muslim, Dhikr 11/38; Tirmidhi, Qira’at 12; Abu Dawud, Adab 68
16.Ibn Majah, Hudud 5 (2546)
17.See An-Nur, 24:31; Hud, 11:3; At-Tahrim, 66:8
18.Muslim, Dhikr 12/41-43; Bukhari, Da’awat 3
19.Abu Nuaym, Hilya, IV/97-98
20.See Bukhari, Adab 72; Manaqib 23; Muslim, Fadail 16/67
